It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
