I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
