I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
