Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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