Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The air was thick with penises
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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