woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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