It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
