Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dual....:-)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
