Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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