i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
