the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
