dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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