put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
