he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
