oh god the rape fog is back!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
