I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
