11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
