I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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