he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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