I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
