I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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