I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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