she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
