So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
