You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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