If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
