I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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