phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
