Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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