Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
