yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
