Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
