what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
