tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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