i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found puke in my bra..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
