I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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