Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize