Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize