All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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