I could have mohawked her pubes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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