He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize