His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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