then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
high people should be assigned attendants
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
