Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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