Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize