You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
