i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
