I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
