I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
