uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
