There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
