I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she pinky promised me she was 18
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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