Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
