Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
