Your mouth is God's brothel.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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