honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
