She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
