I'm going to jail i love you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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