so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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