every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
