WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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